Imagine you’re in the club/bar, doing the same ol’ two step, dreads head shakin’ to some Waka Flocka (sigh kids dezz days & their choice of music but that’s another blog in the future) & BAAAAMMM!!!! You slip and fall on the floor! Embarrassing right??? Did you slip on spilled beer perhaps? You look down and you can’t help but notice the substance you slipped on is blood! Ahhhh nawwww did they just sacrifice a goat before I came? No lets be real you’re in a Philadelphia. Somene was shanked definitely. Instantly you think to yourself. That’s the main reason why I don’t do hood clubs! Here are few other reason why I refuse to step foot in hood clubs.
#1 Sweaty women, yes there is always at least one on the dance floor (usually a big girl). They smell like they ran 20 laps around the club. They will dance with any guy that grabs them. Hey but I know one guy they won’t dance with and that’s Muaaah! Me smelling good + you sweating and smelling like hot dog water + dancing = my head over a public stall throwing up. Don’t touch me girl!
#2 Fighting in the club. “So… Mr. Bouncer you mean to tell me everyone has to leave because a couple of Negros that don’t have any type of solid home training??? Can I get my $15/$20 refunded at least my $5 toll money I used to cross this bridge?!!??” I really dislike leaving the club because of other people foolish actions, its like when my peas touch my mashed potatoes! Here is a thought kick them ignorant animals out and let’s keep the party going!
#3 False advertising party flyers! I love looking at party/club flyers with beautiful and sexy women on the front. The sad part about is they are NEVER there and none of the females even look remotely close to the model on the front of the flyer.
Me: (taps bouncer) Excuse me brah uhhh… yeah ummm where is this pretty hoe at? I’ve been in this club for an hour and I haven’t seen her yet! (Pointing to model on the flyer)
Me: (mumbles) This some b.s , I got my Sunday’s best on and all… what a waste!
#4 Mean muggers get a life. You’re at the club to have fun and enjoy yourself, why so serious??? I’m not trying to test your gangsta dawg, naaa not at all. I’m just trying to test your girl.
#5 Long lines and lazy pat downs smh. There is nothing I hate more than waiting in line in the club for a million years especially if fellas are in for free at a certain time! By the time I get to the front of the line, Wayne Brady will realize he is black! To top it off the door men are doing some lazy weapon searches! Sorry if I don’t want to get poked or split wide open because of a stray bullet!
#6 Too hot to be in the club! I love partying with my fellow black people don’t get me wrong, but there is one problem… we attract toooooooooooooo much HEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and humidity! Club owners if you have a preponderantly black establishment we need air condition! Chillin in the club should not feel like a African slave ship voyage! Especially reggae clubs they are the worst, plus I don’t really care for the music anyway… it all sounds the same too me. No offence.
#7 Hood Rat Women… too easy… NEXT!!!
#8 Buying women drinks. I have no problem buying drinks, especially for my female friends because they sometimes return the favor, so it’s all love. NOW if I don’t know you and you’re trying to flirt with me just for a free drink??? Are WE doing the naked dance later if I buy you a drink? Na didn’t think so! In that case go kick landmines lil nigglet! Matter fact buy your own drinks, I believe they accept EBT cards here!
Well that’s all I got for this blog. Thank you for your time and please feel free to share your dislikes about hood clubs/bars spots by commenting!
My name Vern
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